


Small Talk

by AJHall



Category: Short Stories - Saki
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Truly dreadful ideas, WTF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28190652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJHall/pseuds/AJHall
Summary: It's been so long since we've able to get together to socialise, that we've forgotten what it could be like. And distance lends enchantment to the view. So, for a reminder as to what we might be missing, here's a ghost of a dinner party past.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Small Talk

“It was one of Maryam Hedicule’s dinner parties, of course,” Clovis said. “The other day, in Cambridge, someone asked me, ‘Is the class of those classes which are members of themselves a member of itself?’ I suppose it qualifies as light banter in those parts. Anyway, it reminded me of Maryam Hedicule. ‘Is attending a dinner party on which one expects to dine out to the last syllable of recorded time dining out?’”

“Scarcely a dinner party,” observed Tobermory, who was lying on the hearthrug. “No dinner. And a remarkable absence of party spirit.”

“You must have come in late,” Reginald said. 

“What is this ‘late’ of which you speak?” Tobermory enquired. Without waiting for an answer, he licked his paw, and began to clean industriously behind his ear.

“Party spirit, I can assure you, was flowing hot _and_ strong in the early part of the evening,” the Baroness said. “Besides the usual crew, Maryam’s guest list included a _Guardian_ columnist, the LibDem PPC, that slightly odd man who keeps standing for Police and Crime Commissioner on an ‘anti-corruption, the country’s run by a secret cabal of paedophiles’ ticket and David Cameron’s pork butcher. At first, of course, they all hung back with decent British reticence, but once Maryam reminded them that small talk was _verboten_ and the objective was ‘meaningful conversation’ they rose to the occasion with verve and alacrity. And, of course, once they’d started, the rules of the game precluded anyone knocking them off balance with comments like ‘Somerset were robbed for the County Championship’ or ”Mourinhno, eh? Will he have a job come Christmas, do you reckon?’"

“Was _that_ why the police ended up being called?” Vera, who had been sorting through the music on the lid of the grand piano, looked up.

“Not the first time, no.” Mrs. Pentherby’s ringing tones shattered what vestiges of peace remained in the room. “The _first_ time was when Maryam handed out cards offering, as a choice of topics for dinnertime conversation, ‘If and how to hold public officials accountable for their actions’, ‘Who (besides our significant other) would give up a kidney if we needed one’, ‘The theory of suicide prevention’ and ‘The art of the dominatrix.’”

At the latter, the baroness snorted knowingly. Bertie van Taube muttered something about train connections to the West Country, and made himself scarce.

“I can see why the kidney one might have struck the De Ropps as peculiarly unfortunate. Given what happened to their daughter. The rest, I suppose, one could pass as mild trolling –” Reginald said.

“Delightful for you,” the youngest Huddle girl said forthrightly. “Not for those of us who had to retrieve Seraphine von Gradwitz from the bath. And stitch her wrists up afterwards. _And_ cope with that guy who was screaming about Samaritans Radar being the biggest mass surveillance racket in recorded history. And –”

“We know,” Clovis said, semi-mendaciously. “Anyway, chaps, let’s raise our glasses. A toast, to good old British repressiveness, and an obsession with the weather.”

It was passed by acclamation. There was only one dissenter. 

“I do love the idea of freedom to discuss meaty topics at social gatherings,” Gabriel-Ernest said sadly.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this blood chilling article [ Banning Small Talk ](https://www.wired.co.uk/article/banning-small-talk) in 2016, which postulated the following suggestions for "improving" dinner parties by instituting some rules including making "meaningful conversation" compulsory:
>
>> To help combat the problem of co-ordination, we added one simple variable to this dinner party - rules. 1) Show up between 7:30-8pm. If you can't make 8pm, don't come. 2) Absolutely no small talk. Only meaningful conversation is allowed.
> 
> and then by following up with this
>
>>   
> To help co-ordinate the conversation, we provided big index cards with examples of meaningful conversation starters. The 27 gender-mixed guests discussed if and how to hold public officials accountable for their actions. We found out who (besides our significant other) would give up a kidney if we needed one. We debated the theory of suicide prevention. We talked about the art of the dominatrix.
>> 
>> Midway, something interesting happened. We hear: "Hey! Is that small talk?" The guests not only abided by the rules, but they also enforced them. Instead of decreasing freedom, people appeared freer to talk about the things they really wanted to talk about.
>> 
>> By establishing a common rule for behaviour we created an environment with a new set of social norms that redefined peoples' best interests. And everyone was happier. 


End file.
